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The science of falling in love

Anthropologist Helen Fisher took her insights out of the laboratory and into online dating
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{"text":[[{"start":8.04,"text":"The writer is a science commentator "}],[{"start":10.64,"text":"The scientist Helen Fisher once revealed how she ended up marrying the love of her life at 75. "},{"start":16.307000000000002,"text":"After months of chaste socialising, she and her beau played a game of pool, each having written down on a cocktail napkin what they wanted as a prize if they won. "}],[{"start":25.380000000000003,"text":"After he triumphantly potted the winning ball, she opened his napkin to reveal the words: “sex and clarity”. "},{"start":31.509,"text":"Her napkin read: “a real kiss”. "},{"start":33.902,"text":"The eventual arc of their relationship — from friends to bed mates to spouses — would have been little surprise to Fisher, an anthropologist who studied the science of love and attraction. "},{"start":43.194,"text":"Both friendship and lust, she believed, could blossom into romantic love and then a deeper attachment. "}],[{"start":49.58,"text":"Fisher, who died of endometrial cancer last month aged 79, left a striking legacy: legitimising love as a subject worthy of scholarly inquiry while somehow not diminishing its magic. "},{"start":60.559,"text":"Early on, science did not quite know what to make of her: as she told it, a reviewer rejected one of her papers on the basis that love was a supernatural phenomenon. "},{"start":69.502,"text":"Her punchy response was a string of books bearing such titles as The Sex Contract: The Evolution of Human Behavior and Anatomy of Love: the Natural History of Monogamy, Adultery and Divorce. "}],[{"start":81.15,"text":"In 2005, while at Rutgers University in New Jersey, Fisher and colleagues used MRI technology to scan the brains of the besotted. "},{"start":89.32900000000001,"text":"Photos of a sweetheart, she found, prompted a rush of dopamine in the brain. "},{"start":93.822,"text":"Love was indeed not supernatural: it was an all-consuming, primal, hard-wired drive, akin to hunger and thirst, especially for the rejected. "},{"start":102.414,"text":"Being in love, she memorably quipped, was like having someone “camping inside your head”. "}],[{"start":108.23,"text":"Fisher spent her career trying to figure out what we all long to know: how do we find that special someone who triggers our circuits? "},{"start":114.822,"text":"She divided people into four personality types, which she tied to their brain chemistry: risk-taking “explorers”; rule-loving “builders”; logical and analytical “directors”; and imaginative, empathetic “negotiators”. "},{"start":127.12700000000001,"text":"If you met your partner through match.com, you probably have Fisher to thank: the dating site, which she advised from 2005 until her death, used her inventory to play Cupid to millions. "}],[{"start":138.6,"text":"Importantly, she took her insights out of the laboratory, dispensing unstuffy advice in Ted talks and interviews. "},{"start":145.054,"text":"Go ahead and use artificial intelligence in online dating to write a profile, she said in a podcast earlier this year: it can boost your confidence about making initial contact. "},{"start":154.24699999999999,"text":"“Then you go out, and your ancient human brain kicks into action . . . and you assess [potential partners] the way you always did,” she reassured. "}],[{"start":162.87,"text":"She also advised online daters not to binge. "},{"start":166.037,"text":"Infinite choice simply paralyses our ancient brains. "},{"start":169.154,"text":"Her tip: pick between five and nine potential matches who are “in the ballpark” and give them a go. "},{"start":174.197,"text":"And don’t give up too soon; just because they don’t roar at your first joke doesn’t mean they lack a GSOH. "},{"start":179.302,"text":"Always a progressive, she praised younger generations, including those in polyamorous relationships, for taking longer to settle down. "},{"start":186.882,"text":"But there was also wise counsel to those in long-established relationships casting around to recall the passion of the early days. "},{"start":193.237,"text":"Staying together, she insisted, entailed working at all three phases of love that she identified: sex-based lust, romantic love and then attachment. "}],[{"start":202.69,"text":"“Have sex,” she advised bluntly, on the same podcast. "},{"start":206.644,"text":"“Don’t tell me you don’t have time. "},{"start":208.424,"text":"You have time to get your hair cut. ”"},{"start":210.34199999999998,"text":"To sustain romantic love, share novel experiences; maybe take up a new hobby together. "},{"start":215.722,"text":"As for attachment: hug, kiss and sit next to each other on the sofa when you watch TV. "},{"start":220.989,"text":"Closeness stokes the feel-good chemicals that keep couples roped companionably together. "}],[{"start":226.31,"text":"Still haven’t finalised your weekend plans? "},{"start":229.102,"text":"It’s time to cancel the haircut. "}],[{"start":231.01,"text":""}]],"url":"https://creatives.ftmailbox.cn/album/170558-1725716262.mp3"}

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